#i am writing quite a lot tho!
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Omfg chapter 13 of The World is gonna be another 10k+ word chapter. I am running out of tarot cards! I can't split the chapters LOLOLOLOL
I am 4500 words in and I am 4 beats/scenes in out of 6-- don't be fooled... My story beats take a million years to write (because some are actually just full scenes and not beats at all)
#journal#i am writing quite a lot tho!#i wrote 800 words ish tonight so thats good!#i played a bunch of isaac so I started late too 😎😎😎#yea im a good writer 😎#writing my self affirmations in here
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2024 reads / storygraph
Fallen Thorns
dark urban fantasy coming-of-age
follows a boy settling into university, when after a date (that he didn’t even want to go on) turns bad he’s made into a vampire
as he settles into his new existence and the local vampire community - while they try to find who’s been leaving bodies across the city - he discovers that there’s something different and darker within him
aroace neurodivergent MC
#fallen thorns#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I enjoyed this a lot!#there's definitely things I want to know more about...I think it's going to be a series? the only thing explicitly mentioned is a prequel#the ending is a bit weird and I don't entirely get the sun/star/moon stuff dfhgd#really great characters and atmosphere#great aroace MC in general tho minor pet peeve from me:#it does have that thing where the character spends half the book ruminating about how there’s something wrong with them bc they don't feel#things everyone else does etc etc and it’s like omg all these queer people and nobody’s heard about asexuality???#then he’s having a conversation with someone later in the book and he’s like yeah I know about asexual but I didn’t think about that re: me#and the other char is like: what if…..it IS you…..and he’s like omg. i AM asexual there’s nothing wrong with me after all! (in like. a page#like I’ve read this in multiple books LMAO. I do get that you can know about an identity and not connect it to your experiences#but somehow the writing of it like this is never quite believable? too sudden? then it's not thought about much after that?#anyway that's not a critique of the ''representation'' as much as just the writing I think - there's a few areas where I thought the writin#could be improved structurally or whatever. Didn't massively impede my enjoyment.#(I do also love an aroace mentor/parent figure!)#aromantic#aroace books#aromantic books
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hola. i'm not dead. at least, not physically.
a lot of things have been happening in my life (mostly... not good) but i think things are settling down for now. hopefully. i'm not gonna promise some big dramatic comeback to writeblr but i certainly wanna dip my toes back in soon. i miss this place.
anyways, i'm strapped for cash, so expect an art commission info post dropping soon lol. i know it's the holiday season and everyone is broke but i guess it's worth a try.
#chay's shenanigans#keep reading if you wanna know the series of unfortunate events my life has been this past few months! also i need to vent lmao#over the summer the building i was living in switched management and in late august the new landlord showed up and announced#that they needed to do renovations. which. okay. it was not a new building. BUT the way they handled us tenants was unsurprisingly awful.#apartment hunting was HELL and a half because it was literally RIGHT AFTER all the students had found their places for the semester.#and then there's the part where they promised me a place to relocate and i was hesitating bc it was above budget but when i finally#decided to take it turns out they'd signed it over to someone else without telling me???? even tho they promised to prioritize me???#anyways i did end up finding a place but it's still way more expensive than ideal and despite my attempts to make it cute and cozy#it is NOT a nice place and i am honestly quite miserable.#doesn't help that the seasonal depresso is made worse by the lack of any direct sunlight in this apartment.#aaaand that's what you missed on glee!#i haven't been writing at all BUT i've been playing a LOT of the sims... made nearly all my ocs and dumped them in san myshuno to play with#like dolls. and now they're all intermingling like a massive soap opera#Azami Black-Mizuhara and Kalen Dyonas are dating somehow.
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it may look like i'm quiet here but i've been working on expanding Janice's bio in the bg the last 2 days 🫶🏻
#i have quite a bit established and i'm thinking that i will#sprinkle things into her hc tag rather than posting a full#bio. though i am planning on writing an /official/ bio in#case ppl have questions and i can present that during#plotting etc. esp bc some topics are....... really heavy ngl#i am having massive Janice brain rot tho it's INSANE#and theres still a LOT I NEED TO ADD. i love her sm ;')#tbd
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in general, sometimes i really wonder what sort of impression i make on this place
#some told me (ily muach) but this sort of question do appear sometimes#like i know my personality and such#but like writing wise#and like from things i do here i really wonder how people see me#probably because im also new here and a bit tmi but this is like the most active i have been in socmed after quite a l o n g while#everyone here has been nothing but kind to me tho ily everyone#im glad im here hahaha#maybe one day i will talk about how happy i am whenever i talk to someone here#as a shy person it really means a lot to me haha#okay this is getting embarassing but yeah that question does exist#babblings#it's been 3 work days right so yeah let me be noisy this once again#or maybe i should make another blog that i treat like a priv acc and i dump everything there#hey thats a good idea actually#there are many things i want to say but all in all im really happy to be here. thank you everyone#i am still learning on how to express it and about interaction all in all as i am still as much of as a grandma as when i first start#but there is that. ily everyone#just putting this out here for a bit haha. might as well
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boop the ♥ and i'll throw diego into your inbox.
maybe he's helping your muse train at the gym (need a spotter? need someone to spar with?), maybe he's saving your muse's life, maybe he accidentally gets yours caught up in one of his bar fights...
or maybe something else entirely. but those are the three things rolling most around in my head.
#me: i dislike 90% of how diego is written in s3#also me: love the 'diego instigates bar fights to let off steam when he can't get it in his job' thing tho. that's great.#that's not really fair tho. i did actually like quite a lot more of his writing in s3 than in s2.#and i really liked him at least trying to stand up to lila's emotional manipulation. that was nice.#kinda hated they still shrugged and had him agree anyway but telling her 'i need to think about this' was good.#if only he could set boundaries like that more often. but i'm derailing skdflskd#but i am very :( about how he is still flanderized pretty hard in s2 and s3. diego deserves better that being a joke.#out of knives [ooc];
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I think i'm just full of repressed aggression, and it's all slowly seeping out every time i interact with the world
#reli-rambles#i just read a story and bro...#the fresking ml is so stupid i wanted to bonk them#no i didn't think of twisting his neck wdym#HDJSNNSNJSJ#but srsly tho#*cough* i shall ramble a bit#WHY IN THE WORLD THAT KIND OF GUY IS THE KING???#bro ur just joking with me cuz i sure as heck won't believe in that guy#he's so obsessively insane and man i wanna know what ppl have been teaching him because his actions are all stupid#anyway thr good thing is he's dead but in his next life he still remember his past life (ml's buff) and STILL DO THE SAME STUPID THINGS#stop bothering fl????#istg everybody would flip out if they knew ur the ml 🙄#okay i've calmed down now... this is just my rambling btw so don't mind me LMAO#there's also another guy who is like barbeque sauce but expired#he's good but gosh... i'd throw him away#his characteristics seem solid to me but i doubt he would be delusional + stupid in the head if HE'S THE FRICKING MASTER OF THE MAGIC TOWER#he's... okay#anyway i'm done slandering two mls because man i am not gonna spend my energy just doing this lmao#i need to eat now bye bye#also if u ever see a story similar to my descriptions then no it's probably not that one BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF STORY LIKE THIS#the author is pretty good tho they make quite solid ideas sometimes but other time i feel like they're forcing some kind of trope that-#shouldn't have been there in the story but whatever i'm not the author and i don't have a say in what ppl want to write#just please keep the... idiotic charas at a minimum or at least make it comedic so it would be cute 😭😭#ANYWAY I AM ACTUALLY STOPPING NOW TO EAT BYE YALL
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So today a Japanese girl told me my katakana handwriting was very beautiful and people would think it was written by a native and an American guy was surprised that English is in fact NOT my first language so uhm yay I guess :)
#like i wrote my japanese nickname on the pottery project we were doing#which is quite easy#マリー#my actual japanese writing in my notebook from language class is messy#but my normal handwriting is messy too so that checks#tho the japanese teacher did compliment my writing as well on the hirgana worksheet#as for the guy from new york#we havent talked a lot yet so he probably hasnt noticed the moments i am searching for words
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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Hoooo the phantom hourglass brainrot is real rn. I can't draw or write anything to explain it bc I need to go to bed Soon o'clock, but please know I am. Gnawing on the walls thinking about it.
#the wind waker trilogy is so so special to me ♥️#(gee its almost like if you actually give link and zelda time to hang out and develop a relationship they become more appealing characters)#what who said that?#now thats not to say i don't like the other iterations of link and zelda#its quite fun to extrapolate off of whats there#but that's just it you gotta extrapolate#like a link between worlds is fantastic and theres a lot of hints at Zelda's personality and such#but its just hints#youre just expected to be invested in her#which granted i am#but yknow not grear character writing#i hear skyward sword does this amazingly tho#admittedly i havent gotten past faron woods in that game yet#but ive seen some clips and theyre... so good????#'do what ive always done for you sleepyhead... come wake me up'#IM CRYING???????#anyways#rambling over lol#tetra#link#phantom hourglass#wind waker#loz#legend of zelda
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Hello! Hope you’re having a wonderful week 😊
Can I ask, what are some of your favorite books??
What inspired you and continues to inspire your writing?
HELLO ! ! ! ! !i am having a great week!! ;--; i hope you are as well!!
THANK U FOR ASKING!!! my favorite book is despair by nabokov. in terms of style he's my favorite prose writer.. love him to death i think his writing is just beautiful. he can also be hilarious (albeit tongue-in-cheek). i've read almost all his books/short stories, and his memoir.
fav poets are baudelaire, rimbaud, ts eliot. baudelaire is my fav writer of all time - his themes resonate with me most.
love shirley jackson as well for spooky stuff; i think she's great at finding horror in the mundane. love anything and everything gothic. love poe of course. lovecraftian themes (rly wish he werent such a bastard) and landscapes: the outlandish, strange, and unknown. all things otherworldly and fantastical in a dark way. love also epics/mythos regardless of origin. folklore, fairy tales, etc (the darker the origin the better, and when it comes to unsanitized versions of fairytales it's usually dark). greek mythology, panthea across cultures. dante's divine comedy comes to mind too.
i am MOST inspired by the themes of the Decadents (namely,, beauty, indulgence, materialism, luxury) PARTICULARLY!!! where these themes intersect with horror - finding beauty in the evil, disgusting, and grotesque (esp as captured by baudelaire. the sensual dealing of the shocking and repulsive). find me where horror and erotica meet and blur together. (to me there's no real delineation between the two. this extends to art as a visual medium also. one of my fav artists is takato yamamoto, eroguro extraordinaire.) anyway what i mean to say is: IF IT ROMANTICIZES THE MACABRE THEN I AM THERE. !!!!!
#thotbox#thotmail#THANK U I LIKE TALKING ABT THIS#library cherub#ALSO ! i read a lot of short story collections. i am a short story connoisseur#if u will#something i do also is get like. those 'norton anthology of world literature' and then i read thru it and if i encounter smth i rly like i#read more from the author#I JSUT LOVE ANTHOLOGIES#OH ALSO another favorite from this yr: 'piercing' by ryu murakami#this is very particular of me but i dont read books unless both the plot and the prose draws me in. if i dont like it i will simply just#quit readimng#i dont stick it out if im not feeling it#i rly love reading horror but its hard to find well-written horror and a lot of the 'horror giants' er...i am not a fan of their writing#some guy that rhymes with shmeven sfing#he aint my guy. i liked the shining tho. but ive dropped several others by him bc i found them insufferable
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Saint of Bright Doors
a surreal Sri Lankan fantasy about colonialism, revolution, mixing fantasy with the modern world
follows a man raised by his mother to kill his father, a god-like cult leader
but as an adult he puts aside his life of violence and moves to the city for a quiet life
he becomes fascinated with ‘bright doors’ around the city that never open and have no other side, and joins a group studying them to find out more
and a support group for those with divine heritage that becomes increasingly revolutionary, until the task he was made for reemerges and his life upends
#the Saint of Bright Doors#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this is kind of hard to explain I dont know if I did a very good job here lol#it is weird and full of so many interesting elements. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it but?? I really liked it mostly???#It starts pretty small scale focused on the MC & slowly unravels the wider worldbuilding and narrative elements in a really interesting way#The first chapter or two I assumed it was typical high fantasy but then it’s like. oh this is a modern city. with emails and stuff.#The pacing is a bit weird - it’s quite meandering and also pivots significantly in the second half. tbh I’m still ????? about the ending lm#but also I am happy to float through on vibes.#and there’s some elements (like the doors that become….not that relevant) that I want to know more about. (as an aside - I saw someone say#that it’s a very clear retelling about Buddha’s son? which idk enough about but probably could give a deeper context to a lot of it)#writing style is kinda detached from the MC but also there is a reason for this that makes sense with the twist near the end!#which is a kind of twist i LOVE. Maybe I wish it had been emphasised a bit more over the story though? unsure.#I thought his mother's story was interesting also - you think she's an terrible parent just there for background context at the start but#then when she tells her story it's like ohh there's more context here.#also I hesitate to just say ‘if you like the spear cuts-- you should read this’ because I think the elements that are similar are done in a#kinda different way and might disappoint you if you’re expecting it to be the same as spear….but regardless the sort of dreamy writing#rich world; narrative with fantasy but also modern day elements; some of the writing style; mlm MC (tho not a romance)#idk. it will definitely not work for everyone but I enjoyed it overall#also it is full of queerness#bisexual books
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i might be planning quiting writing for a while after i finish 5 request i have and yeonjun's bday event. i have 4 other works in process too but i will be writing them slowly. but i am not sure. gonna rant in the tags
#maybe those will be my last 10 works#i won't quit tumblr tho#i might come back again#been feeling like getting a grip#putting myself together#focusing on other things#it has been fun#i feel sad and emotional for some reason#maybe i lost motivation due to low notes i am getting but i don't think so since i have been a writing machine recently#and also school will start probably after these 10 works i am talking about#it is not like i am the only pebble on the beach but still wanted to let you guys know#i will also focus on my actual writing ideas like not for tumblr and not in english that might turn into comics#i have a lot of things that i should learn for them#also i think i became kinda obsessed with tumblr so it will be a good thing#like i check my notifications as frequently as i can#definitely not healthy#but i don't plan quiting probably will keep reblogging stuff i like and stuff#also i love my friends and moots here#i never got hate and i also want to thank you guys for that#things i will focus on include myself astrology tarot reading skincare exercising dieting studying using my phone less making friends#and more#also my creative juice ran out#didospeaks#didorants#i might come back#this is not the end#but definitely taking a break#love you all
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I have been soooooo good about going to class every single day this semester. Minus my persuasion class bc attendance is optional (I've only gone to 2 of those classes... lol. Tho I've still done all my work!!!)
My other classes tho, I have gone Every single day. Which is really quite remarkable for me.
#speculation nation#it's bc attendance is mandatory in these classes. & if i dont go then i will be missing points.#my data governance class has in class work every day. 5 points a day but it adds up#my UX design class is part studio and so we do in class work with our teams a Lot#means that i havent had to do project work outside of classes tho. which i do quite enjoy.#also theres like. we can miss class like some 3 or 4 times without penalty. but after that it starts counting off letter grades or Something#and if u miss like 8 classes u just plain fail the class.#which makes me worried for my teammate who is late Every day bc the syllabus says 15+ minutes late counts as an absence...#oh well. not my problem if she fails bc she didnt take the syllabus seriously.#and then my gender communication class we Can miss class. but if we do we r supposed to write like a 3 page paper per class missed#over the topic covered in the class. to make sure that we do learn it.#and it is just Not worth it to miss a class for that hfkshdkd#UX design class is the hardest one to get up for tho. gender com is at 10:30 but UX design is at 8:30#too early!!!! i dont wanna be up!!!!! but here i am anyways.#im often a little bit late tho lol. like i will be today if i dont get goin soon! agh!
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WHERE’S MY FUKING CAPO
#my post#funny#relatable#guitar#music#bjork#wait you can only have 30 tags the joke is much less funny if i don’t have a fucking wall of the stuff i guess i’ll just make this one reall#and 140 characters per tag this is stifling my creativity meh i was running out of popular tags anyway bjork’s not that popular of a tag tho#tbh i was running out of inspiration after like the 4 tag this joke was not meant to be at least not by my hand and i guess it wasn’t that f#unny either i cooled down real fast on that one you know what i’m pivoting this is no longer popular tags just my train of thought for as lo#ng as i feel like it the first few one might not even make sense when i’m done but who cares not me clearly it is quite annoying how i can’t#use commas tho make’s this harder to read than it needs to any way i lost my capo for like the third time my desk isn’t even that messy but#don’t know where else i would’ve put it it’s not lying on any of my instruments either i probably put it quote somewhere i would remember un#quote but clearly i didn’t i’m usually very good at remembering where i put things put the capo is the zone in between i use this often and#i use this every other year so i never remember where it is stored it is 1 am so i guess i’m going to bed soon anyway but still this is goin#g to annoy me until tomorrow i don’t even need it right i’ve had to remove so many tags the original joke barely makes sense anymore i’m kee#ping bjork tho you can pry her out of my cold dead hands not that i really listen to her music or know her i just like saying her name i’ts#got good mouth feel and it’s fun to spell i didn’t realize how long filling 30 tags would be what’s 140 times 30 let me look it up 4200 this#makes this post my biggest project by like 3000 words the only time i’ve written any meaningful lengths of texts was in college and i’m a dr#opout what 4200 characters not words silly little me makes a lot more sense now that i think about it i’m getting tired of writing so this m#ay end soon i would like to not go to bed at 4 am for a silly little post 2 people are going to read plus i am running out of ideas of thing#s to write i am very much not a writer writing scares me even writing lyrics for songs terrifies me i’ve only manage to write lyrics for one#without getting too self conscious and imploding but i’m better at writing songs with vocals i’ve never had anyone to write music with and w#ithout the ability to sing or write lyrics it’s been difficult the singing has been more or less remedied with synth v but the puter can’t w#rite lyrics for meso until i get a lyricist friend i will have to toughen up you can’t make art without making yourself known to those who c#onsume it but lyrics and poetry has always been 1 step too far for me tbh i’d rather spontaneously combust rather than let people know me i#do not look at my very numerous in stars and time posts and reblogs they are completely unrelated to this don’t think about it oh look behin#d you there’s a distraction oh you’ve missed it i have been writing this for half an hour and i am getting so sick of it i revealed informat#ion about the inner machinations of my mind i have not done this since last time i saw a therapist 5 years ago this is fucked up what a self#impose writing challenge can do to you luckily this is the last tag i’m doing lucky me well this was fun this is going to end suddenly so do
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If things keep going wrong like this I’ll soon become like the xiao-less people in 2021 ;-;
#dora daily#genuinely don’t know how much longer I can try to push things down#truthfully; I have made peace somewhat with not going to jannah anyways for a while now#yeah I’m a coward for giving up#but to admit cowardice; would that mean alleviation of the stressors#certainly not.#better get to writing that note#time to blame my mum for everything ;3#no; that would be unfair#time to blame others for everything *#and for the outcome#****; Eris; virtue <- you three have a special place in my note#to my “friends” too:#to my classmates to my teachers and to everyone who has so horribly let me down over the course of everything.#I am worn thin and exhausted and I blame you.#clearly my words mean absolutely nothing because whenever I try to communicate it’s met with radio silence#makes me start to think about things#and it makes me hate the concept of communication all the lot more#I didn’t include discord boy because he was funny in his weirdness#even tho he messed me up quite a bit#Istg the only way to remove these consuming feelings it to just get on with it lol#because everyone says oh it gets better but when you’re someone who probably has bpd#there is no better this is lifelong with an unlikely chance of recovery at all. practically 0#I’m not trying to be ill by saying I have so and so but have researched and seen peoples stories who first hand have experienced this#every day the symptoms become more unbearable
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